That Parenting Journey

Now that I've found a new way to post on this blog (via email), I think I'll be blogging a bit more than before. hehs....

 

The uncertain economic outlook and current volitility of the market is also contributing to slightly more "blog time". Nobody knows what to do at work. Write a report, make a recommendation, market is still crashing...hahaha. I notice more are just staring at their screens, checking out their Facebook, emails....but that also means one thing: the prospect of losing your job is also quite real. With the fall of Lehman Brothers, there are now more people out in the labour market looking for jobs. So, hey, quit watching the computer screen and get that spreadsheet out if you want to stay employed!

 

Ok...in a minute...

 

The parenting journey has been quite interesting so far. It is often fraught with opinions from well-meaning relatives. I've gone through the challenging initial stages of breastfeeding, of expressing while at work (oh, that IS very challenging), night feeds (not often, but bad enough to render me a "zombie" the next morning), trying to ensure that she has the right stimulation, trying to make sure she eats well and the right kinds of foods...through it all, I've learnt so much about myself - what my limits are, what I can achieve, how stubborn I can be (I realise I just don't give up, when it comes to L's things), oh and what a spendthrift I can be. hahahaha.

 

After a chat with a friend last week, I realise that I do need to let go some. I've been "holding on" too tightly to this role of motherhood. Not that I hate it. In fact, I pretty much enjoy it. Which is probably why I can't seem to let go. The downside of not letting go is not having enough time for myself. I don't get enough sleep, I haven't had a manicure in....months. Haven't had my hair done nicely for a looooong time too. Not that I would want to spend that money also. hehs. But the lack of sleep and rest is getting to me. I find myself falling ill often (and it's tough staying awake during office hours).

 

I guess I'm not one who would want to 'outsource' that parenting role (feeding, playing with, interacting with, bathing etc) to anyone just sao I can spend some time with the girlfriends or at the hair salon or spa, though, I DO need a spa treatment badly. I know of a couple, who leaves the kids with the parents and maids. While they do spend time with the kids and get their own personal rest time as well, it's just not me. I'm the mother here. I want to be the one in charge of my baby's things. It is very gratifying to see and hear your child squeal (coz she can't talk yet) for you and lean towards you or crawl to you the moment you step through the door or when she's in need for anything - attention, some comforting, cleaning up....awwww....I don't think I want to give that up for all the riches in the world. I cannot imagine how I would stomach it, if my child were to clamour for her grandparents or the maid instead of me.

 

That said, I do outsource some aspects to the maid - washing and sterilising of the milk bottles, washing the baby's clothes, looking after L while I'm away at work, feeding L while I'm not around. And that's during the weekdays. Being the one(s) to handle L's needs myself (or ourselves, when Daddy is around) allows us to not only bond with her, but to tune ourselves to her needs. So don't tell me to "let the maid handle, lah! so you can eat and relax...", especially during the weekends. My daughter wants to spend time with me too...